Mr. Bobbys World: Heart And Mind

Heart And Mind

The reason i created this blog was originally to help me get over the last biggest relationship i had and attempt to save myself. and i did. and now its where i go to really share me. who i am. what i love doing. This blog is me. The true me.


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I'm sorry i fell in love with you. i didn't mean to. I'm sorry i wanted to spend the rest of my life smiling and laughing because of how you made me feel. I'm sorry i wanted to help you as much as I could to help you follow your dreams because your smile made me happy. I'm sorry i embarrassed myself by singing all those songs about how much i love you and was sad without you. I should have listened to what you told me and understood that we could just be friends.  I hope you can forgive me.

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Blog-Life are simply the pages to your autobiography. ~ Mr. Bobby



Someone who fits me:

Smeone who makes me happy, who inspires me, who pushes me to be a better person, who excites me with new things constantly, someone who is looking for something in her life as well and I can return that same inspiration in whatever she likes. Someone who can make me laugh and gets my stupid jokes. Someone who has characteristics that colmpliment mine. She doesn't need to be pretty in anyones else's eyes because she will be perfect in mine. Someone who can relax with me by playing video games, reading a book or creating art. Someone who loves to cook with me and always wants to cooking different foods. Someone who likes to go out to different places and try new food. Someone who likes going to different types of venues, events, shows,. Someone who makes me want to dance not just stand around and drink.Someone who loves movies!!



Things i Say :|

"Communication is key to any good relationship: friendship, relationship, mother ship lol. if you have a problem say something, if your happy say something, if you miss someone say something. quite hours of just sitting there next to each other, no words no thoughts just distractions. Are you even friends or simply mannequins accompanying? human vibrators? momentary body pillows? Express yourself and be willing to listen to the others reaction with open ears. even telling the other person simply about your day. Don't remember that one in a long time. lol. What happens when there are years between you two? are you settling don't you deserve to feel happy? don't you deserve to feel..... and express those emotions or any emotions? sometimes just to share your emotions is a challenge. I don't know just thinking not about myself, not about anyone else, just about life. perhaps why i have honestly become a professional at doing things on my own. I do things i find fun, exciting, entertaining, and mind provoking. I guess I've found the best relationship in myself.

"Real talk with talking people saying real things that make me think too real" ~ Mr. Boobby

"To fall in love is easy. To fall out of love is hard. So leave unrequited love behind. live on and love on to new love. ~Mr. Bobby"

"Her eyes dug through me as if searching for answers for questions I've never been asked. Pulling subtle movements as replies to her little spies."

"Disappear in a cloud of smoke don't choke. It's life full of strife. All that fake all that break. All that mental shake. Take away this steak through my heart. Take away this garlic around your hug . It's fare this stare you glare with that you won't forgive or look past. Closed ears and drink more beers because this isn't being near. I get it . I've seen it, I've dreamt it , I've lived it, I hate it. Why is it? But it is..... Always"

"Slowly I disappear as if i never existed,
never created.
i disappear from the lack of fight.
you push me down and make me hide.
i don't know how to return to what i once was.
i just wait for you to make the decision.
you don't understand that your actions alter mine.
i wait.
I cannot be the one with hate.
for that maybe the the reason you have been here for so long no matter what you have done.
if you truely knew how to be a friend maybe it didn't have to be the end."

"lonely is this heart that yearns for its blood. pump pump but its done done. Kalima! take my life out like a flood."

"I might be a bitch but your a mega bitch and that is worse because i put mega in it. haha dun dun dun..... You are Godzilla wrecking everything in front of it. I am Mothra, bitches worship me" ~Mr. Bobby

"why do mexicans love KORN? mmmmmm....... corn......"  ~Mr. Bobby

"Tank = Fish Sticks" ~Mr. Bobby

"I dreamt of snow and deader things.
No leaves no greens of none i see.
colors only dull and drear.
of mysteries none here nor there.
I search for queens and fallen kings,
but empty seats are left for me.
An end to this are none i fear,
just miles of empty room to stare."
~Mr. Bobby

"your pictures drop knives down my throat cutting my heart in two" ~Mr. Bobby

"start living in your own filth and you will know how low you have gone" ~Mr. Bobby


"you can read the title and never know the story" ~Mr. Bobby

"Friendship life savers spill into open mouth sea. Chomp, chomp. Bites bites" ~Mr. Bobby

"Life smashes your face into concrete truths. Bleed for me bitch bleed for me" ~Mr. Bobby

"i'm like a empty battery i need to be recharged with positive energy" ~Mr. Bobby

"Revolving shouts repeating stains. Internal bouts impeding gains" ~Mr. Bobby

" lets spit out our emotional discharge! Fuck bars and walls we build to sound sane. Destroy to create our selves and present truths." ~Mr. Bobby

"live what you love, love what you live" ~Mr. Bobby

"i fight my inner most feelings with feather swords and non-existent shields. stay away heart beast! your flames will not reach me. I am strong. I've beat you down over and over. I will not give up!" ~Mr. Bobby

"so near to the edge i just might break. there's no mistake I've had all i can take. tick tock sick of this shock. never knew this much hate but now its way to late." ~Mr. Bobby

"why do ghosts haunt with chains of love" ~Mr. Bobby

"you put my heart into a snoopy waffle maker" ~Mr. Bobby

"i break down. i let walls fall. where did i place that brick. where did all the cement go. your supposed to see this billboard child but instead you see beyond. they call me bob the builder because i'm always building this wall every time it falls :(" ~Mr. Bobby

"q: what does the cashier say to the baldman. a: you have topay" ~Mr. Bobby

"you were a momentary brain cork but now dislodged the aged wine pores. gushing all those perfect moments while leaving the regret stuck to the bottom of my bottle. perhaps cutting off the crust would empty me/bottle for new (sparkling wine) lol ~Mr. Bobby

"I've donated years of clothes and books that occupied my residence with no remorse. they may have deserved a spiritual burning but never waste what can be used by those who are lost and naked. Their absence leave fields of open space ready for beautiful ideas, inspirational people, creative moments in time, and a numerous possibilities of adventures and stories that stay in this camp. all this yearning for goals reached and explosion of being can finally be accomplished. No more i want, i wish, i need, i loved, i was, i could have; I will now or I am fake to myself."

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The Real Blog Begins.
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Thursday August 11th

Finally time to be alone and think and think. ugh how i missed this. i miss living alone. i miss living in a clean house. i wish i could just speak up!!!! I'm so fucking scared of fucking saying anything now. Have you ever lived your life being terrified to talk to someone or run into them? thats me now. thats me i literally can't fucking leave my house now. i have people who want to hang out and they tell me where to go but now i can't go out alone anymore. i was doing great going out fine alone before but now something broke inside me. I don't know how to fix it. I really really want and need more me free time at home. i want to be able to create shit again. i feel like i dont have any time for me to breath. Now when i go out i just stand there to fucking scared and afraid literally to talk to people. they come up to me all the time and say hi and all these good amazing affirmations but i can't fucking for the fucking life of me say hello to them. what the fuck has happened to me. i'm so fucking scared to interact now? even with friends maybe too? to the point that maybe i'm loosing some friends.

its like life is just forcing me to talk to her and i can't... i fucking can't. i'm always in the same fucking thread, people ask me to dj the same parties, people ask me to bring gear for the parties where she is playing. i'm so fucking happy and glad that all my hard work and hers put her in this place but the only way i was ever able to get over all the shit that happened in the past was to avoid her and run away and never have to see her anymore because she didn't exist anymore. she was just a part of my fake tvshow life that never happened. but it never goes away. it never stops. i just keep getting reminded over and over of so much shit. me being used, me being convinced at love again. nooone knows how fucking hard it was for me to accept anyone's love after fucking purple. i almost killed myself and am still fucking feeling all this shit with my body that i'm trying to not drink for a fucking week so i can feel good again. yeah so to everyone it seems like i'm a fucking mess and that i feel everything to much well fuck you sir because life has taken a big shit on me. but i keep fucking going but right now i don't know whats wrong. i'm stuck. i'm stuck. i was doing great. i'm stuck.

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July 28th 2016

Communication is key to any good relationship: friendship, relationship, mother ship lol. if you have a problem say something, if your happy say something, if you miss someone say something. quite hours of just sitting there next to each other, no words no thoughts just distractions. Are you even friends or simply mannequins accompanying? human vibrators? momentary body pillows? Express yourself and be willing to listen to the others reaction with open ears. even telling the other person simply about your day. Don't remember that one in a long time. lol. What happens when there are years between you two? are you settling don't you deserve to feel happy? don't you deserve to feel..... and express those emotions or any emotions? sometimes just to share your emotions is a challenge. I don't know just thinking not about myself, not about anyone else, just about life. perhaps why i have honestly become a professional at doing things on my own. I do things i find fun, exciting, entertaining, and mind provoking. I guess I've found the best relationship in myself.

(i wrote this after a long conversation with my friend about what they are going through in their relationship. It made me think of my lifetime of relationships.)

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5/1/16
I miss and need me time. my roomate doesn't have a job and just makes a mess. he has started to slightly clean but he makes more mess than he cleans. I don't think he even wants to find a job. I might have to kick him out. I think i'm only enabling his laziness by giving him a place to stay that is dirt cheap already so he should be trying to help more because its so cheap. I'm starting to think its affecting me.

There is a girl who likes me and i enjoy having someone kiss me, hug me, miss me, and all those things but in all honesty you know i need time for myself. I need to become productive again and i Know i've just been staying home feeling nice but not doing anything. I'm not trying to jump into anything just because i've been so lonely and sad for so long. lately i haven't gone to bars. doesn't help that i was in a thread that H basically said we don't need anything from you. I just tried to help my other friends not her. but now i feel like i can't go out anywhere because i feel like i'm in the way or unwanted. even though everyone makes me feel loved so much. I'm just so fucked in the head now. to much to deal with in my life. always trying to fix myself. i know i need help. i need a psychiatrist.

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date??
this past is in the past. forgive and let go.